Since no one really reads my blog. I figured I should say what I feel right now.
I can't really talk to anybody anymore. My best friends aren't really my best friends anymore. I didn't think losing them would be this heart breaking. I knew it would be, but not this much. Apparently, Romeo on this webpage is still in my life. I consider him a jerk, yet still satisfying. I do like the things we do like hold hands, kiss, and cuddle even if we're not a couple. I kind of think lowly of myself that we do this, but I don't know what's going on between us either. He doesn't have feelings for me. I don't know what I feel for him either that's kind of why I think lowly of myself. I'm really depressed I know that, but I can't do anything about it. I just deal with what people has in store for me. I just let people control me because that's basically what I am now. I can't think of anything that really makes me happy anymore. Romeo does but not as it used to. He used to make me really happy, but now he's more of someone who's in my life that's really temporary and who knows what's going to happen next.
Anyways, enough about Romeo. There's not really much to talk about him. I usually have a lot to say about him. ODD. XD. The purpose of my existence I would say is nothing anymore. I feel like I've lost hope on many things in life. I've lost on friendship and love. Maybe I should die soon. I kinda hope that I did, and wish that it wasn't that painful like giving me the wrong medication and then "boom" I'm dead kinda dealio. The thing is I'm afraid of God that's why I'm iffy about the dying part. I still want to go to heaven and live in peace through eternity rather than in hell where I keep on burning, burning, and burning that it hurts so much and all I do is cry for eternity. I really don't want that happening to me. So I still want to go to heaven because living in this atrocious world can be so unbearable but I'm okay I guess. I can survive, but I've been surviving this world for almost 18 years now.
Sometimes Romeo liking a celebrity makes me uneasy because it makes me think that I should set up to that standard. I know I shouldn't, but my self consciousness takes over. Now he's pissing me off because he's not listening. -_____-;
Wow! I'm listening to this song and it's kinda relevant to him. WTF right? XD Anyways, I'm really trying to not be irritated by anything today.
I'm really consistent on hating life. I was almost on the point of being alright with life, but it made me go to the point of "No, I do hate life all the way." I know it's going to get better, but right now I'm just not satisfied with my life. I feel like that song "Breakeven" by the Script, but not because of a guy. But because of my best friends.
I guess 2 years of friendship isn't worth much. =/
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